Infatuation vs Love: Are You in Love or Just Attached?
How to Know What You’re Really Feeling?
It always begins the same way – the racing heart, the daydreaming, the constant urge to check your phone for their message. You think about them all the time. You feel seen, understood, and suddenly more alive.
But after a few weeks, something shifts.
The rush slows down.
The silence between texts grows longer.
And a quiet question begins to whisper inside you: Was it love? Or was it just infatuation?
This confusion shows up frequently in therapy rooms – especially for those who have experienced emotionally unavailable partners, abandonment wounds, or unstable family dynamics. When your early relationships were inconsistent, it becomes harder to recognise what genuine love actually feels like.
Let’s explore the difference between love vs infatuation – not just psychologically, but emotionally and energetically – and how healing tools like Family Constellation Therapy and Inner Child Therapy help you see your patterns clearly.
The Story of Neha: When It Felt Like Love
Neha, a 32-year-old graphic designer, came to The Healing Room after a difficult breakup.
“We met at a yoga retreat,” she said. “It felt like fate. We clicked instantly. He said he had never felt like this before. Within two weeks, we were talking about moving in together.”
But within three months, everything changed.
He became distant, reactive, and emotionally unavailable.
Neha kept justifying the red flags.
“Maybe he’s scared of how deep this is,” she convinced herself.
During therapy, something important surfaced – Neha wasn’t actually in love with him.
She was in love with how he made her feel in the beginning:
the attention, the intensity, the illusion of safety.
She was subconsciously replaying an old childhood pattern – chasing emotional intimacy from someone who couldn’t offer consistency, just like her father.
This wasn’t love.
This was infatuation rooted in an old wound.
What Real Love Actually Feels Like
Infatuation is fast, fiery, and fantasy-driven. It pulls you into an emotional high without giving you any time to truly know the other person.
Infatuation often includes:
- Intense attraction in a very short time
- Idealizing the other person
- Obsessive thoughts and emotional highs
- Ignoring red flags
- Anxiety when the person pulls away
- Needing constant validation
- Getting attached to the “idea” of them, not the reality
Infatuation thrives in uncertainty.
The drama, the waiting, the emotional chaos – they make the connection feel more intense than it really is.
Very often, infatuation is a trauma response – a younger part of you trying to get what you didn’t receive as a child: love, approval, safety, belonging.
So What Is Infatuation?
Infatuation is fast, fiery, and fantasy-driven. It pulls you into an emotional high without giving you any time to truly know the other person.
Infatuation often includes:
- Intense attraction in a very short time
- Idealizing the other person
- Obsessive thoughts and emotional highs
- Ignoring red flags
- Anxiety when the person pulls away
- Needing constant validation
- Getting attached to the “idea” of them, not the reality
Infatuation thrives in uncertainty.
The drama, the waiting, the emotional chaos – they make the connection feel more intense than it really is.
Very often, infatuation is a trauma response – a younger part of you trying to get what you didn’t receive as a child: love, approval, safety, belonging.
What Real Love Actually Feels Like
Love moves differently.
It’s slower, steadier, and more grounded than the euphoric rush of infatuation.
Real love feels like:
- Feeling safe and regulated around the person
- Being able to be yourself – even the messy parts
- Connection deepening with honesty, not drama
- Mutual care, not just intense chemistry
- Respect for space and boundaries
- A calm nervous system, not constant anxiety
Love is not a performance.
It doesn’t require you to prove your worth.
It’s a space where two people show up fully – without fear and without masks.
How Unhealed Wounds Create Illusions of Love
When your childhood includes emotional neglect, unpredictability, or conditional affection, your inner child begins to chase what feels familiar – not what is healthy.
This is why you might confuse:
- Chaos for chemistry
- Withdrawal for mystery
- Avoidance for emotional depth
The nervous system becomes addicted to the emotional patterns it grew up with.
So you keep attracting partners who mirror the emotional environment of your childhood – even when it hurts you.
Until these early wounds are healed, infatuation will feel like love, and healthy love may feel “boring” or unfamiliar.
How Lies and Emotional Inconsistency Affect the Body
Infatuation puts your body into a constant state of emotional alertness.
Adrenaline spikes.
Sleep gets disturbed.
Your gut reacts to every emotional shift.
Over time, your body begins storing the residue of unspoken truth – both yours and the other person’s.
This often shows up as:
- Jaw tension
- Migraines
- Hormonal imbalances
- Anxiety or panic attacks
- Chronic fatigue
- Brain fog
You can lie to your mind.
But the body always knows.
So How Do You Break the Pattern?
Awareness is the first step – but awareness alone doesn’t change the pattern. You have to release the emotional charge stored in your body.
At The Healing Room, we work with:
Family Constellation Therapy
Reveals inherited patterns, relational loyalties, and subconscious beliefs that keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners. When you see the root, the spell of infatuation often breaks.
Inner Child Therapy
Helps you recognise what your younger self is seeking through infatuation – and teaches you to give that love and safety to yourself instead of outsourcing it.
Access Bars & Body Processes
Clear mental clutter, emotional triggers, and trauma stored in the body so you can make choices from clarity, not old wounds.
Final Thoughts
Love doesn’t confuse you.
Love doesn’t keep you guessing.
Infatuation feels intense – but it’s often a storm from the past, not a grounded connection in the present.
So if you’ve ever found yourself in a love that felt too fast, too much, too soon…
If your nervous system craves peace but your heart chases chaos…
It might be time to pause and ask yourself:
Are you falling in love?
Or are you falling into a pattern?
Book a Free Clarity Call
If this resonates, we invite you to book a free 15-minute clarity call with one of our facilitators.
Whether you’re healing from a past relationship or seeking clarity in a current one, Family Constellation or Inner Child Therapy can help you reconnect with the love you truly deserve.
📞 Book Clarity Call
📍 www.sonalimittra.com/family-constellation
