In today’s environment, we are continually taught that happiness is the ultimate aim. From social media influencers to self-help books, the message seems clear: if you’re unhappy, there’s something wrong with you. This fixation with happiness may appear harmless, but what if our relentless pursuit of happiness is actually holding us back? What if attempting to be happy all the time limits our ability to fully experience life?
In this blog, we will explore how the pursuit of happiness can sometimes hold us back, and why embracing discomfort and difficult emotions is essential for personal growth. We’ll discuss how seeking purpose and meaning, rather than just happiness, can lead to a deeper and more fulfilling life.
The Happiness Trap: Why It is Limiting?
Happiness is frequently viewed as a final point. People strive for it on the assumption that once they have it, all of their problems would be solved. But here’s the deal: bliss is transitory. It comes and goes like the weather, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t make it stay. By consistently striving to maintain a joyful condition, we begin to avoid everything that makes us sad or terrible. By doing so, we continue to be in the effect of everything we avoid rather than dealing with it head on.
When we avoid obstacles, we miss out on opportunities for development as well. Consider this: every time you’ve encountered genuine personal growth, it was most likely in the midst of a challenge, difficulty, or struggle.When you ignore difficult feelings in the quest of happiness, you deprive yourself of experiences that will help you grow stronger, more robust, and wiser.
The Myth of Constant Happiness
Society has fed us the notion that we should always be happy. However, this is not practical. Life is a constant range of ups and downs, times of joy and sorrow. This emotional variability is what gives life richness and meaning. Consider eating your favourite dish every day, over and over. It would eventually stop being fun. The same is true for emotions—happiness loses its depth in the absence of melancholy. Limiting ourselves to happiness prevents us from experiencing the whole range of human emotions. This encompasses grief, frustration, rage, and fear. However, these “negative” emotions play an important function in helping us understand ourselves and the world around us.They assist us in recognising what is important, what has to be changed, and where we may improve.
Discomfort promotes growth
If happiness is a constraint, then discomfort is a motivator for growth. Consider the last time you encountered a difficult situation whether it was a challenging task at work, a painful conversation with a friend, or a personal challenge you had to overcome. While these experiences were difficult, they most certainly taught you something useful about yourself or your ability. There is a different kind of joy we experience once we overcome a challenge.
Growth occurs when we venture outside of our comfort zones. Discomfort is a normal component of the learning process, whether it is learning a new skill, confronting phobias, or developing resilience. We miss out on our opportunities to grow because we are constantly chasing happiness. Instead of perceiving discomfort as something to be avoided, we should accept it as a natural part of life.
The Danger of the “Positivity-Only” Culture
Being preoccupied with happiness has also resulted in a culture that emphasises optimism over everything else. You’ve undoubtedly noticed the constant posts on social media about being thankful, remaining positive, and seeking a bright side in every scenario. While positivity has its purpose, over emphasising it can result in “toxic positivity.”
Toxic positivity is the idea that no matter how bad circumstances are, you should always find the positive in them.While this may seem like sound advice, it really pushes people to repress their true emotions. If you are going through a difficult situation, appearing to be joyful will not solve the problem. In reality, it frequently worsens the problem by preventing you from addressing the main cause. By emphasising on always being joyful and positive, we inhibit our capacity to deal with unpleasant feelings in an appropriate way. We eventually bottle them up, which can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, and despair.
Tips
i) Constant Happiness: Choice Being Present in the here and now.
It is a frequent misconception that we should always be happy no matter what, which leads to excessive stress and irrational expectations. Actually, feeling nice all the time isn’t what it means to be consistently happy. Everyone experiences tension, irritation, and despair because these emotions are normal parts of life. Happiness as a choice, however, is more about navigating those natural feelings than it is about imposing positivity. In this sense, being grounded in the present moment is more important for happiness. It’s accepting life as it is, without linking our feelings to certain results or circumstances. Choosing happiness entails being content in the here and now, regardless of circumstances, as opposed to thinking, “I’ll be happy when I get the promotion, lose weight, or find the perfect relationship.”
It involves making tiny, deliberate choices every day
- Practising gratitude for what we have, instead of focusing on what’s missing.
- Accepting that tough times are part of the journey, and learning from them instead of resisting them.
- Connecting to the present moment, not getting lost in worries about the future or regrets about the past.
That doesn’t mean you have to put up with discomfort or agony. In addition to live in the moment, being present also entails having faith that those moments will eventually pass. We can achieve happiness despite difficulties if we stop labelling our feelings as “good” or “bad” and instead accept them as they are.
ii) Discomfort: Ease is not easy.
Though genuine ease isn’t always simple, we frequently mistake ease for comfort. Often, what we call discomfort is simply change or unfamiliarity. Things that make us uncomfortable are simple to avoid, yet that discomfort may simply be a necessary part of the growing process.
Consider this:
- What have I mistakenly classified as discomfort?
- Is beginning a new work genuinely uncomfortable, or is it merely unfamiliar ?
- Is it awkward to set limits, or is it the fear of change?
- Is gaining new skills difficult, or is it a necessary element of development?
You get clarity when you think about this. It assists you in distinguishing periods of growth from actual suffering. Clarity fosters courage, the will to press on during difficult times. Recall that learning to confront discomfort rather than avoiding it leads to ease. Reframing discomfort as a necessary component of the process allows for opportunity for personal development.
What have you misidentified as discomfort that it isn’t? This question will give you more clarity and the courage to move forward with anything that is discomforting yet creates growth and opportunities for you.
iii) Toxic positivity: Allowance
Toxic Positivity overlooks the actual problems we encounter. We end up pushing aside our true emotions when we attempt to create happiness in every circumstance, which might ultimately make things worse. It’s ok to feel depressed occasionally because life can be messy. Not every day will be happy or prosperous. When we tell ourselves over and over again to “stay positive” in the face of adversity, we begin to ignore the feelings that are trying to tell us something crucial.
It’s normal to experience sadness, anxiety, or frustration as a human. Allowing yourself to experience such feelings is a sign that you understand that life isn’t flawless and that’s acceptable. You genuinely create space for healing and growth when you give yourself permission to experience those emotions. To be truly emotionally healthy, one must experience all kinds of emotions rather than striving for constant happiness. There will be difficult days, and experiencing sadness does not indicate weakness or inadequacy.
Ultimately, genuine happiness stems from striking a balance between not forcing oneself to always be positive and accepting that it’s acceptable to feel awful when things are difficult in life. Releasing yourself from poisonous positivity allows you to truly embrace life and all of its highs and lows.
Conclusion
The relentless quest of happiness might actually impede our ability to grow and find fulfilment. Happiness is fleeting, and if our only goal is to remain happy, we neglect to experience the challenging emotions that are necessary for growth as individuals. Joy and discomfort coexist in life, and our most significant learning experiences frequently stem from obstacles we face. We can get smarter and stronger by accepting discomfort rather than pursuing unending enjoyment. Furthermore, true emotions can be suppressed and recovery hampered by the pressure of a “positivity-only” culture, also referred to as toxic positivity. Accepting all feelings, not just positive ones, is the foundation of true emotional wellness.
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Suvanjali Lama, Clinical Psychologist and Research Executive at Treta Foundation and Sonali Mittra, Director, Treta Foundation
FAQs
Yes, constantly striving for happiness can limit personal growth. When we focus solely on being happy, we may avoid difficult emotions and challenges that are necessary for learning and self-improvement. True growth often comes from navigating discomfort and embracing a wide range of emotions, not just happiness.
Toxic positivity refers to the idea that we should always be positive, even in tough situations. While positivity has its place, over emphasising it can cause us to suppress genuine emotions like sadness or frustration. This can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a delay in addressing the real issues at hand. Acknowledging and accepting all emotions, including negative ones, is crucial for emotional well-being.
Happiness is frequently seen as a permanent state that, once achieved, solves all our problems. However, happiness is fleeting and constantly changes. Believing it's the end goal makes us avoid anything that disrupts it, including valuable experiences of growth through adversity. This mindset can trap us in a cycle of avoidance rather than fostering resilience and self-awareness.
No, it’s not wrong to pursue happiness, but it’s important to understand that happiness is just one part of a full emotional spectrum. Instead of making happiness the sole goal, it’s more fulfilling to seek meaning, purpose, and growth—factors that may involve moments of discomfort or sadness but ultimately lead to a deeper sense of fulfilment.
Being present allows you to experience life as it is, without constantly chasing an ideal state of happiness. It teaches you to appreciate the moment, accept your feelings as they come, and find contentment regardless of your external circumstances. This mindfulness fosters long-term well-being and emotional resilience.
