I have often come across women in my line of work who bear emotional wounds that manifest in their daily life, relationships, and physical appearance. One of my clients, over the age of 30, had been battling with intimacy issues in her relationship. She had a crippling dread, especially of physical and sexual intimacy.. She was diagnosed with Vaginismus, a condition which causes the vaginal muscles to tense unintentionally, making intercourse difficult or even impossible. After working with several techniques and treatments, we finally had a breakthrough but what was revealed was unimaginable for us all.
We collaborated for several months, attempting to identify the underlying source of her fear of intimacy. At last, during a breakthrough session of Inner Child Therapy, she confided about a painful childhood experience. She had been sexually abused by a cousin when she was ten years old. She had suffered a severe emotional scar from this experience, which she hadn’t completely realised until much later in life. Her body had become tangled with this trauma, establishing a link between pain, fear, and touch. It was as if her fearful, younger self took over her body and personality whenever someone touched her, causing her to react with extreme discomfort and resistance. As an adult, when she tried to get close to her partner physically, her body would contort and contract into a 10 years old body, causing her vagina to become smaller by closing up, making the penetration painful and difficult.
We started to peel back the layers of her suffering the sexual abuse with therapeutic activities, emotional release, and trauma-informed care. She was able to face the fear that had been preventing her from moving on by re-establishing a connection with that wounded inner child. After she discovered how to console and cure that younger version of herself, the dread gradually started to fade.
She progressively began to feel more at peace with her body as well as in her relationships as we carried on with this healing process. The once overwhelming fear of intimacy started to lessen. It had seemed impossible, but now she could feel closeness, joy, and connection with her partner at last with gentle consummation of their relationship
Many women experience vaginismus as a result of emotional trauma rather than just physical problems. Resolving the emotional causes of the suffering can help you recover, move on, and create happy connections.
Although frequent, vaginismus is rarely discussed. Many women suffer in silence because they are self-conscious or confused about their bodies.This illness affects about one in every 200 young women, and there are a variety of reasons why it occurs. Some people associate it with shame related to having sex, possibly as a result of cultural or religious beliefs. For some, it could be related to a physical condition, like an infection from the past, or a traumatic first-time sexual experience. Anxiety can occasionally be the culprit, leading to worries that something is wrong with their body or that their vagina is too tight.
According to research, up to 1 in 500 women may experience vaginismus at some point in their lives (Reissing et al., 2004). Despite this significant number, the condition is underreported and often shrouded in silence due to stigma or embarrassment. Left untreated, vaginismus can lead to anxiety, relationship difficulties, and low self-esteem.
It is crucial to keep in mind that vaginismus is curable. Healing of the body and mind sometimes involves therapy, understanding, and patience. Women can regain control over their bodies and create healthy, meaningful intimate relationships by accepting the influence of their past experiences and emotions.
Myths of Vaginismus
In our conservative societies, where many of us have been raised to fear sex or to view it negatively, vaginismus is a common sexual concern for women. Couple that with the lack of education and conversation around sex and the result is a multitude of rarely challenged myths and misconceptions. Here are the most common ones:
- You can only have vaginismus the first time you have intercourse.
- Vaginismus is an entirely physical disorder.
- Only sexually inexperienced women can get vaginismus.
- If you have vaginismus, you are not very attracted to your spouse.
- Vaginismus indicates that you have a poor sexual drive.
- You should simply relax, and your vaginismus will resolve on its own.
- You simply need the perfect partner to treat vaginismus.
- Vaginismus does not reoccur after being treated.
- If you have vaginismus, you will constantly feel discomfort during penetration.
Common triggers of Vaginismus
- Fear or anxiety related to sex
- Believing sex is shameful or wrong
- A tampon is inserted into your vagina.
- During intercourse, you attempt to penetrate your vagina with your finger, sex toy, or penis.
- Something is positioned close to your vagina (due to a fear of being penetrated).
- A painful sexual experience characterized by tightness and perhaps a burning or burning feeling (which may be linked to a history of sexual abuse).
- An uncomfortable medical or gynaecological exam.
- Long-term sexual pain, with or without a knowing the cause
Vaginismus is an automatic reaction, which you do not have control over. Sometimes, vaginismus can develop even if you’ve previously had painless penetrative sex. It doesn’t typically impact your ability to become aroused or enjoy other forms of sexual activity. Even in cases of vaginismus, sexual stimulation can cause an orgasm.
Some women refer to the sensation as a “block,” and it may be accompanied by discomfort. Additionally, the illness may have an emotional toll.
What makes vaginismus a psychological or mental health issue?
Vaginismus is a condition that connects the mind and body, meaning that it involves both physical and psychological aspects. In the past, it was mostly viewed as a physical issue with symptoms like vaginal spasms. However, it’s now understood that we need to look beyond just the physical signs to really grasp the deeper thoughts and feelings that contribute to the condition. The causes of vaginismus are complex and can vary widely from person to person. They can include a mix of physical issues, psychological factors, and the influence of relationships and cultural backgrounds. Each couple dealing with vaginismus may face their own unique combination of these factors, which makes it important to consider the whole person rather than just the symptoms like in the case mentioned above.Understanding this can lead to more effective treatment options. Some of these influences include:
- Conditions like general anxiety disorder, characterised by excessive worry, hyper-vigilance, and a strong need for control.
- Anxiety about potential negative outcomes of sex, such as painful childbirth, unwanted pregnancy, or sexually transmitted infections.
- Beliefs that sexual organs are inadequate, such as thinking the vagina is too small or having an aversion to penises.
- Previous experiences of pain in the genital area, including painful periods, injuries, or surgeries.
- Beliefs that penetrative sex will be painful, often stemming from misinformation about the body and concerns about tissue damage or tearing the hymen.
- Views that sex and masturbation are shameful, influenced by restrictive upbringings, repressive religious teachings, and inadequate sex education.
- Past trauma, such as emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, or exposure to violence, which can contribute to anxiety around intimacy.
- Lack of emotional safety with a partner, including mistrust or emotional detachment, which can create anxiety about vulnerability.
Treatment for Vaginismus
There are supportive therapy options available if you are experiencing vaginismus, which can help you feel more in control. Engaging in physical therapy may be quite advantageous. To assist you improve your muscular control, they can teach you pelvic floor exercises. Exercises like Kegels, in which you tighten the same muscles used to halt urinating, are sometimes included in this. These exercises can aid in relaxation and improve your awareness of your body.
Inner Child Therapy can play a key role like in the case mentioned above. Speak with a regression therapist to identify any worries, mental problems, or traumatic events that could be causing or exacerbating your vaginismus. You are able to examine and process your emotions in this secure environment.
Gradual desensitisation is an additional useful technique. This includes a slow adjustment to the concept of insertion, beginning with a little object such as a finger or a vaginal dilator. You may discover how your body reacts to this and gradually work to change it by going softly and at your own speed.
Both open communication and education are crucial. Gaining knowledge about how you look physically, sexual anatomy, and good communication techniques with your partner may make you feel more secure and understood. Recall that vaginal penetration is not necessary for a satisfying sexual life, and it is OK to give priority to what feels good for you.
Treatment often yields excellent results for many, but you must learn to be patient with yourself. Only explore these alternatives if you are genuinely interested in doing so, and remember that you are free to quit or take pauses whenever necessary. Intimacy may be enjoyed in many different ways, and finding what works for you and your partner can be facilitated with the correct assistance.
Conclusion
Talking about vaginismus can be tough due to the shame and stigma surrounding sexual health topics. However, it’s crucial to understand that vaginismus is more common than many realise, and it is treatable. Adopting a holistic and supportive approach can make a significant difference in recovery. If you think someone you know may be experiencing vaginismus, please don’t hesitate to contact us to arrange an appointment. We are here to offer the understanding and support needed to navigate this condition.
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Sonali Mittra, Therapist and Consciousness Coach; Suvanjali Lama, Clinical Psychologist and Research Executive at Treta Foundation and Natasha Arora, formerly with Treta Foundation.
FAQs
Vaginismus can make vaginal penetration feel painful or impossible. If you experience pain during sex, while inserting tampons, or during gynaecological exams, and your muscles involuntarily tighten, this could be a sign of Vaginismus. A healthcare provider can give you a diagnosis.
Early signs can include discomfort or pain during intercourse, difficulty inserting tampons, or anxiety about vaginal penetration. Some women notice a burning sensation or tightness before realising that involuntary muscle spasms are happening.
Vaginismus feels like an involuntary tightening or clenching of the vaginal muscles, making penetration painful or sometimes impossible. Some describe it as a burning, stinging, or sharp pain, while others just feel intense pressure or tightness.
While it’s best to consult a professional, there are some things you can try at home. These include practising relaxation techniques, pelvic floor exercises, and using vaginal dilators to gently stretch the muscles over time. Working with a therapist can also help you address any emotional factors.
Vaginismus is more common than most people think, but it often goes undiagnosed because of the sensitive nature of the issue. It affects women of all ages and backgrounds, though exact numbers are hard to pin down due to underreporting. Many women struggle in silence, but it's important to know that help is available.
