Most of the people don’t realise they are being judgemental and how it deeply affects their lives. What makes a person judgemental? Anyone having a fixed mindset about another person or situation is called a judgemental person. Even when it is constructive criticism, the person doing it is being judgemental. Others who think they are far from judging others are usually suppressing their opinions or judging themselves to be not good enough to have a point of view. In all, judgements affect us deeply. It has more repercussions than generally understood. Here are a few insights on how judgements affect our lives, living and reality.

Why do we judge others?

Judgement is something that we all experience from time to time. Whether it’s our reaction to another person’s actions or how we perceive them, some people define it as having “harsh opinions or ideas.” These judgments are sometimes based on personal experiences or our own failures.

We spot what we got. When we judge others based on our emotions, or our own failures, we often project onto others the very qualities we hold most repugnant about ourselves. In many cases, the things we say about others reflect how we feel about ourselves. In reality, we don’t like facing our shadow self. One of the best defences against it is to project it onto others before they can see it. 

Why do I need to know if I am being judgemental? 

When we’re not aware of our judgmental nature, we get angry, anxious, rude, bashful, furious and lonely. Not only do we shut ourselves off from others, but we also shut ourselves off from our true selves. 

Judgements also create limitations. You fail to see the truth and possibilities beyond your limited point of view. You block your own growth, potential and receiving by being judgemental. For instance, if there were five investors ready to support your business and judged three of them to be inadequate or bad, you have already limited your financial flow to two investors. 

When we judge something to be bad, it can only show up as that. You won’t be able to see it as anything else or allow it to be anything else. This is the risk of being judgemental. You would hold on to your perception to prove your judgements to be right rather than having the freedom to change it. 

How do I know if I am being judgemental? 

Here are a few signs of a judgemental person. You have trouble with uncertainty and ambiguity. You think that everybody is trying to harm you. You find it difficult to look past someone’s imperfections. You are quick to draw conclusions. It is more important for you to be right than to be free. You see people as white or black. There is no room for a middle ground. Your first approach towards a situation is negative. You anticipate constant consistency from other individuals. Most importantly, you criticise yourself more harshly than others. If you can relate to any of these or get triggered while reading it, being judgemental is likely to be an issue for you. 

How do I stop being Judgemental?

Acknowledge: We enjoy passing judgement on others. And almost always, we do it without fully understanding the person we are judging. We enjoy it because it emphasises our biases. Unless we identify and acknowledge that we are choosing to be judgemental, it will be difficult to change it. Acknowledge without judging yourself is the first step to stop being judgmental. 

Be compassionate, patient, and empathetic: This requires giving the person or situation a space for being themselves without being judged. It allows the person to be vulnerable and honest. Surprisingly, when you are compassionate towards others, they tend to either back off or change to become more understanding and amiable. 

Allowance: As you already know, people behave the way they do because they choose to do it. There is no reason or logic to it. If a person is choosing to judge you, allow them instead of fighting it or avoiding it. Both are an energy drain on you. When you allow yourself to be judged, the game is dropped. People won’t challenge or fight you. Allowance also gives you more lightness and expansion not to judge others. 

Hope these insights give you an understanding of the repercussions of being judgemental and an idea on how to deal with judgemental people. 

Everyone has a story.

Walk our path,

Live our life,

Then maybe you won’t feel the need to judge 

By Sonali Mittra and Navita Sharma 

(Sonali is a therapist and researcher. Navita is an access bars practitioner, dietitian, and nutritionist)